This month’s blog is written by my niece, Laurie. She tells the story of her husband’s early diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and the sad progression of the disease. She is praying that telling her story will encourage others who may be facing similar situations. I’m so thankful that Laurie agreed to write this. What a testimony to the faithfulness, grace, and mercy of our great Father God!

I remember walking down our long driveway after getting off the school bus in Redmond, Oregon, one day.  A sophomore in high school, I had my horse on my mind and where and when I could get in a ride.  I was also involved in 4-H, but on this particular day as I walked down that driveway, I remember being very impressed that I would marry a pastor. I believe now that was the Holy Spirit nudging me in that direction.

I met my husband to be, Kent, on a Sunday morning at a Nazarene Church in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, in June of 1982. I had just graduated high school, and he had just been honorably discharged from four years of serving in the Air Force.  I liked what I saw and I hoped he did too. He asked me out about a week later. Our first date was at a Pizza Hut followed by miniature golf. I was 17 and he was 22. He was a very nice guy, and for me, dating was the necessary precursor to marriage; not a fun, social time to see how many dates I could rack up with multiple guys.  Still, I was taken back by the fact that he pulled out a piece of paper while we were golfing which contained around 20 questions that he proceeded to ask me. Everything from my views on parenting, to how many kids I wanted, to what my relationship was with the Lord. It became very apparent to me on that very first date that he was a seriously committed Christian. He told me later that I passed with flying colors!

He also told me much later that he had made a list of everything he would like in a wife, and had been praying over it. Guarding airplanes while in the Air Force gave him time to work on that list and do lots of praying. I fulfilled every single requirement that he had written, including being blond. God gave us both the desires of our hearts. 

We dated for a year. We both attended Colorado Mountain College while dating. Our dates included hiking and sightseeing. Kent was an avid backpacker. He enjoyed the outdoors.  We became best friends and fell in love in the process. We were married on July 9, 1983, in the church where we had met.

While dating I learned about Kent’s father’s struggle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. He let me know that it was very prevalent in his family. His dad, Walter, one of eleven siblings, was one of seven that had developed this disease. Kent was two when his dad was diagnosed. He was born when his mom was 45 and his dad was 52. By the time Walter was 54 he was showing signs of dementia.  

Kent’s mom, Alice, cleaned houses trying to support the family. Walter had worked as a ranch hand and became unable to do that. Alice worked during the day. Kent’s cousin has a memory of coming over to their home to visit and finding Kent looking for his dad who had wandered off again, while Alice was working.  Kent was five at the time. This cousin, Carol, shared this as a sad commentary on what was happening to this family. Walter was placed in a nursing home for the last four years of his life, a very painful and heart-wrenching decision made by Alice, with not a whole lot of support from her family.  

Kent was the ages of eight to 12 during those nursing home years. He remembered his dad being strapped to a chair or the bed for most of that time. Walter was a big, strong man, and they couldn’t control his outbursts. This left a strong impression of suffering on Kent.  His mom faithfully visited and fed Walter every day. 

By the time Kent was 24 his mom passed away from cancer. I believe that these things made the man Kent was to become. He started working when he was 11, building a strong character and work ethic. He was to become a believer when he was 19 while in the Air Force. His mom was the only Christian in her family. These trials and struggles built strength in him as only hard struggles can do. And the change in him when he accepted Christ was thorough and dramatic. 

Kent and I had a lot in common, we had both lost our dads when we were twelve, but this struggle his family had faced was a unique and troubling one. We talked much about this and the possibility of Kent having the disease someday and even passing it on to our future children. As I look back now, I wonder if we were naïve and too young to think about the consequences of what this could look like in our future. But God was leading and had brought us together. And His plans were for our good. So we moved forward knowing our God was in this marriage and that He would walk through our days and years with us.

“For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11. 

Our first New Year’s Day as a married couple, we were both sick in bed with the flu. I had been feeling that we were being called to ministry. Early on in our dating, Kent had told me that people often asked if he was going to be a pastor. He had a great knowledge of the Word and loved studying the Bible. He told me that God had not given him that call; and I was fine with that as I had been a preacher’s kid and I didn’t have a desire to be a pastor’s wife. But that impression I had from back on the driveway that day had stayed with me. Now as we both were sick and lounging around, we began to talk. Both of us were feeling called to pursue going into pastoring.

We were now on track to follow God’s leading.  Kent went to the Nazarene Bible College in Colorado Springs, Colorado and then eventually finished his Master’s at Trinity Bible College in Indiana. 

When Kent was about 25 the Alzheimer’s Research Association contacted him and told him that his family was one of 30 in the United States that they were studying because of the strong prevalence of Early Onset Alzheimer’s within his family. They got a blood sample from him and then later told him that they knew if he had the genetic marker for this disease. They wanted to know if he wanted to know. He and I spent much time agonizing and praying over whether to know or not. In the end we both decided not to live our lives with knowing if it was a positive. In the meantime, our beautiful daughters were born. Kristin in 1985 and Kara in 1988.

The first church we pastored was in Chanute, Kansas. The pay was $75 a week. Kent loved studying God’s Word. It was his passion. He also devoted time to our family life, always making us a priority. The second church he pastored took us to Pennsylvania.  We were at that church for about two years. The third and final church he pastored was in Eldred, Pennsylvania, where he served 17 years, from 1999 until 2016. Studying scripture and writing Bible studies were his priority and his gift, but as usually happens in church life, much of the other work falls on the pastor. Kent never complained, but prepared budgets, did administration and many other aspects of church leadership. 

Kent loved dogs. We had two golden retrievers during the years we raised our girls.  Our family enjoyed many camping trips and traveling to see family. Kent enjoyed running and stayed physically fit all of his life. His health was always excellent.  

Even though his health was always very good, he was troubled by the specter of Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Every year when he had his physical, he would have the doctor do a cognitive test on him. He always did well with it and that would alleviate his concerns. He was never a worrier, but he knew the risk he faced.  Kara remembers vividly his ongoing concern about the possibility of developing Alzheimer’s. 

During the time we pastored in Eldred, our daughter Kristin was married to Victor. About two years later, in 2009, they had a beautiful baby girl named Zoe. Kent adored his granddaughter. He spent much time playing with her and reading to her.  Even patiently play acting out whatever her imagination dreamed up, including playing church, with her being the preacher and him the sole congregant. 

Life was hectic and full with family life and church life. In 2013 our daughters presented us with an all-expense paid trip to Ocean City, Maryland. We went in September. It was a beautiful time of year to visit the ocean. Kent enjoyed looking for seashells in the early mornings while we were there, to take back to Zoe. He would go before I got up.  But during the trip there, Kent had had trouble driving and not understanding where he should go. I ended up doing most of the driving. I worried that he wouldn’t find the condo when going to the beach without me on those mornings. One morning I was up when he came back. He was wearing my flip flops. I pointed this out, and he didn’t act like it was a big deal. He was so normal otherwise, that I pushed it to the back of my mind. 

By the spring of 2014 it was apparent that Kent was not able to do bookkeeping or write sermons anymore. Kara still lived at home with us. All three of us agonized over how to proceed. It was also becoming more and more apparent that Kent was having trouble finding his way driving to and from town as well. It was a sad and overwhelming time. To realize that his independence and career were coming to an end was something that all of us struggled with. 

We knew he needed to make an appointment with our doctor for the dreaded cognitive test. This time might not have the happy ending as all those times before. Kent was only 54 at this time. We moved slowly. This wasn’t something we were anxious to know. Finally, in June of that year Kara and I took Kent to our doctor. It ended up that we saw him on off-hours on a Saturday morning. Kent did not pass the simple test of 10 questions. At this point we were beginning to face the gut-wrenching reality that we were looking at the possibility that he was showing signs of Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Our doc sent Kent on to a neuro-psychologist. As we were leaving his office that day, he said that he had another patient, also a pastor, who had just been diagnosed with ALS. He said that at least we weren’t dealing with that. I think he probably thought this was an encouraging thing to say. ALS is a horrible disease, but so is Alzheimer’s. Each with its own tragedy. 

The neuro-psychologist did extensive testing. The CAT scan showed no abnormalities. From what I understand, Alzheimer’s disease shows only in a postmortem examination.  She did a 6-hour test in 2-hour periods, involving writing, drawing, and answering questions.  Kent and I and our family were very nervous during this. When it was all done, she showed me the results of the work they’d done. One example was that she had him draw a clock. I was shocked at the way he’d drawn it. It didn’t have all the numbers and looked like something a first grader would have drawn. He seemed so normal still, engaging in life and even still preaching by using old sermons. He had also recently drawn a lion with sidewalk chalk on the driveway with Zoe. It was an amazing drawing. He had always been artistically inclined.  It was difficult to wrap our brains around what was now happening to him.  She gave a positive diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s based on his family history and what the analysis of her tests had shown. He was very intelligent, which was also hard for me to understand when I saw the work he’d done with this doctor.

Kent willingly gave up his driver’s license. His easygoing personality, his God dwelling in him, and his experience with his own dad all played a role, I believe, in his acceptance and deep peace.   He continued to preach from old sermons for the next two years. Kara remembers right after this diagnosis in a service one Sunday morning we were singing “Ten Thousand Reasons.” As she watched him singing the third verse, “And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come, still my soul will sing Your praise unending, ten thousand years and then forevermore...”, she noticed that he sang with rapture and delight. His faith was rock solid and he walked with the One who was his strong tower and defense. It didn’t waver even though the ground beneath him was shaken. As she witnessed this, the tears rolling down her cheeks, she realized she was seeing a glimpse of a future day to come. God was dealing with the sorrow even in her own heart, as He prepared her.

Kent took what was happening to him with grace and amazing peace.  His only concerns were that I would be taken care of, and of ultimately leaving his family. He also was very concerned that he would never hurt me physically as the disease worsened. These were constant concerns for him. We talked some. It’s difficult to explain, but in the day-to-day we didn’t get into deep discussions about all of this, although it was never far from both of our minds. He was a kind and compassionate man with a gentle and quiet spirit, the Holy Spirit controlling him. This never wavered, even as he got sicker.

In May of 2016 we made the decision to resign from pastoring and move to Colorado where my sister and her family lived, as well as our mother and stepfather. By this time, Kent was having trouble reading and keeping his work schedule straight. My sister and her husband moved our U-Haul across the country. Kara moved as well, found a job, and began looking to buy a house for Kent and I to live with her.  Kristin’s family also decided to move to Colorado. These were all such life-changing decisions, but they proved to be the right ones for all of us. Our family and friends would end up being strong supporters to us as time progressed. 

Our days in the beginning were pretty normal. Kent helped with chores and made his own lunches. He was on a couple of drugs for Alzheimer’s, which probably helped some—maybe with slowing the progression of the disease; but ultimately, I decided to take him off of them. How I prayed for a cure to this dreadful disease. Doctors don’t really understand it. It’s such a nightmare for the family, and as it worsens it becomes a nightmare for the patient. 

In 2019 Beatrix was born to Kristin’s family. We were thrilled. Kent was still able to enjoy things at this point. He held her and played with her for the next few years, totally enjoying another granddaughter. She was a joy brought to our family in a difficult time. She brought sweetness and laughter to our lives.

Kent and I lived with our daughter Kara. My days were filled with taking care of the home and him while Kara worked. This was relatively easy for those first four or five years in Colorado. He stayed happy for the most part. This was a learning curve for me. If I tried to hurry him, he would become agitated and angry. I had much to learn and change in myself in this process. There were times when he would run outside and walk away. But he never went far. I would apologize to him and he to me. Both of us dissolved in tears.  I learned to have ice cream bars on hand. A treat he enjoyed. He also loved coffee, so I gave him a cup off and on all day which greatly calmed him. 

Caregiving is draining, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was hard to see this man weakening in his mind. His body remained strong. We walked almost every day, which he loved. On those walks in the last three or four years, I hung on to him so I could steer him away from dog messes or mud. If I reached to move him, he would become angry, so I learned to hold on to him. When in the grocery store, he would stand in the middle of the aisle. I was constantly moving him so people could get around him. 

These things and many more were draining to both of us, and becoming more than I could deal with. He worked so hard at trying to help and not be a problem. This was also a sweetness for both of us in the midst of the disease worsening. It was like this working deep in my spirit, of growth and change and learning what real commitment looks like. This sweet man was diminishing in his mind, but his spirit was still in communion with his God and with his family. This was a beautiful thing to witness in him. 

Kara took over with helping to get groceries and generally helping to pick up some of the chores. My nerves continued to get worse. Alzheimer’s is a strange beast. It can lash out in a second or stay quiet for days. I learned to read my husband. I also knew him very well, as married couples do. We were soul mates, and had always remained at a deep level with one another. I began to put aside more and more in order to take care of him. Kara went to doctor appointments with us to be a support, but also to help to get what we needed from the doctor.  

There were a lot of difficult days, but there were plenty of days that were good days too. We learned to take a ride, go to the coffee shop, or go to Kristin’s house to have a change of scenery and enjoy their family. 

In 2022 he began to have myoclonic jerking. We believed this would lead to full seizures. Our doctor put him on a muscle relaxant. It did not improve anything. In December during a church service, Kent went into a full seizure and what also looked like a stroke. It was the beginning of more seizures, until they were all day every day. We managed to have Christmas. By this time, he was not able to communicate verbally.  He could nod or shake his head, so there was understanding of what we were asking him, but he couldn’t verbalize, which was a huge frustration to him. He also needed help with eating now.  Grief began to set into our family as we all realized he was worsening quickly. Kara began to leave work early, or if we were having a bad day, she would stay home. Kristin’s family came and spent time with him, also staying with him so we could run errands. My sister and her girls helped with meals for us. Lifetime friends and our church offered support through prayer and staying in touch with what was happening. 

One evening in mid-January, we had Beatrix spending the night with us. It was a hard evening with Kent as all evenings were now. He was restless and fidgety and having seizures intermittently. I took him in our room to get ready for bed. We were both sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked so glum and sad. I asked him if he was alright. He began to sob. I had never, ever seen this man cry. I asked him if he was afraid of death. He shook his head no with fervor. I knew my husband and I knew he meant it. I asked if he knew that he would be going to Heaven. Without a doubt, he had absolutely no fear of what was to come as he declined, or where he would go after death. 

Then he began to try to say something. It was so fragmented and stilted, but I could tell he was saying, “best,” amongst other sounds I couldn’t quite understand. Then it dawned on me. He was saying, “The best is yet to come.” As a pastor he often used an illustration using this quote in funeral sermons. I asked if this was what he was trying to say. He nodded so vigorously that it made us both begin to laugh. He was so rock solid in this, that it gave me a comfort and peace that was absolutely amazing and beyond words. 

Then I asked if he was sad to be leaving us. He nodded and began to sob in great, deep, heart-wrenching sobs. It was so hard to be saying good-bye to each other, and for him to be realizing his time was short. He was so torn to be leaving his family, who he loved next only to his God.  We sat there for a long time holding each other and grieving together for what was to come. I consider this hard thing that evening to have been a privilege to share together. It was a testament of our sweet relationship and the all-encompassing peace of knowing that he was right with God and that there was no fear. He had lived his life faithfully following Christ and now even in dying, he was still faithfully following his God.

“And the testimony is this, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. The one who has the Son has the life; the one who does not have the Son of God does not have the life” 1 John 5:11-12. 

Kristin remembers in the last few weeks of her dad’s life when she was with him, he would try to communicate this phrase to her. She remembers one time specifically that he said very clearly, “The best is yet to come.” His way of helping her and our family know he was totally at peace, and reminding us of what God had promised in what was to come after this life. The hope of a man who had studied God’s Word and who longed to pass on hope to his family. 

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among the people, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death, there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” 

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” Revelation 21:3-5 

Sorrow, pain, crying, and struggle were still to come, but the faith of a lifetime built on studying God’s Word and relationship with the One who created him, was now at work in his death. 

In late January, 2023, we were able to get Kent into Hospice. This, as many things in this journey, did not come easily. But finally, he was approved and they came to our home immediately. At this same time, he began to wander all night long. I spent nights up with him with almost no sleep. He would look under furniture and behind things. Very restless. One night I called for a nurse to come around 2 a.m.  I was hoping for something to give him to help him settle. When she came into our home, she took in what was happening and became fearful of him. She backed up and was keeping her distance. I asked if she was afraid of him. She said she was. He was acting pretty strangely. He listened to this exchange and walked over to her and gave her a hug. His way of calming her fears. 

I think we all misunderstand Alzheimer’s and how it affects the patient. Obviously, the person and their abilities and moods and communication are affected by the disease, but they’re still very much there. The outbursts for Kent happened, I believe more often than not, because of his frustration—whether it was that he couldn’t communicate, or make his body do what it needed to do, or that he couldn’t understand simple commands. 

It became apparent that I could not keep this up. It broke my heart to watch him doing this. Another strain on our hearts and minds. A different Hospice nurse that visited us during this time said that this could possibly be end stage for him. It proved to be the case.

He was taken to the Hospice facility in Grand Junction, Colorado, to try to alleviate his wandering at night and to get medication to help get the seizures under control. This was a beautiful facility. He spent a week there, doing pretty well. Kara and I went every day and helped with his care, and spent the days with him. He was very peaceful during this stay, although he hated it when we left in the evenings. He would close his eyes so that he couldn’t see us leaving. One of those evenings I saw him watching our reflection in the window as we were leaving. I cried all the hour’s drive back home. 

“Save me, O God, For the waters have threatened my life. I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; My eyes fail while I wait for my God” Psalm 69:1-3.

 This, as so much, was so hard on our hearts and spirits. The medication change helped with the seizures, and they discharged him to come home. But, once again at home, he became restless and wandering at night. We realized we could not continue this. Hospice again stepped in and decided to send him back to the facility to try to get the nighttime wandering under control. He continued to wander at the facility. They put a nurse in his room all night because he just wouldn’t settle. Again, we went and spent the days with him. He began to sleep all day and wander restlessly all night. He ate less and less until he just stopped eating. He was in the facility this time for eight days. I cannot describe the thankfulness I have that he was able to be in this lovely facility, but how heart-wrenching to watch him slowly slipping away, my partner and best friend. 

He passed away on a Sunday afternoon, February 5, 2023. A friend mentioned how fitting this was for the preacher to go meet his God on a Sunday. 

We both received the desires of our hearts. God didn’t take away the disease, He didn’t take away the suffering or the struggle. Although I do believe that He did meet every need and gave us relief and rest in the midst of it all. Our prayer together was that he would never hurt me physically, and that I would never have to put him in a nursing home. God gave us these two things. 

“But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works” Psalm 73:28.

“Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD. Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God” Job 1:20-22.

I miss him every day, but I’m thankful he’s whole now and in the presence of his God. And one day I will join him.

“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person” Ecclesiastes 12:13. 

There is grief every day, in the loss of our husband, dad, and grandpa, and sorrow in the ravages of disease and suffering that he endured, but there’s hope that the final chapter is yet to be written. There will come a day when God will make everything new. 

“The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure” Ecclesiastes 7:4.

“We are certain that when the mists of death are cleared away, the whole city will stand visible and proud. Our inheritance is as sure as morning.” –Calvin Miller




Kent with his daughters and granddaughters.