As I begin writing this, our nation is celebrating the 4th of July.  Like so many in this country, I am very thankful for the freedoms afforded me each and every day.  Also like so many in this country, I know I often take these freedoms for granted and do not have a level of gratitude worthy of those who sacrificed everything for them.  As great as these outward freedoms are that we have as Americans, there is a freedom greater than anything afforded in this country.  This freedom cost God everything.  This freedom no person or government can ever take away; only the recipient can surrender it.  This freedom provides the power to stop doing what you don’t want to do and gives you the power to do what was previously impossible.  

There was a day when my freedom as a believer was being stolen away from me little by little. The thief was robbing me of valuable time, stealing the ideals and hope I had always desired in a future relationship with the girl I would someday love and marry. Indeed, the thief was stealing my very ability to love. This thief was called pornography.

In the book of Proverbs 7:24-27 Solomon says, “Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth.  Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways.  Do not stray into her paths; For she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men.  Her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.” 

My heart, my desires, were fixed on feeding the desire to view pornography, luring me away from the love I had found in Jesus Christ.  I have felt the ripple effects from dabbling in the world of sexual immorality. They are catastrophic and incalculable. This is always the enemy’s plan: “the thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy” (John 10:10a).  

Growing up during the 80s and early 90s pornography was harder to access than it is today, yet like with so many others, it still managed to creep its way into my life and steal my freedom while darkening my heart and mind.  I remember as a kid in the middle school hallway as another boy with an “adult magazine” showed my friend and me one of the pictures.  Other times I was introduced to pornography were at a friend’s house without too much parental supervision, watching rated R movies that included nudity.  To some, the movies and magazines may have been commonplace; but growing up in a Christian home and having asked Jesus into my heart at a young age, I knew that what I was partaking of was wrong, even though I did not realize the consequences.  

Mine is not a story where after getting my first glimpse of pornographic material I did nothing but watch horrible pornographic images. Rather, this particular sexual sin and its trappings might lay dormant for years at a time—but since it was never fully dragged into the light, it was a weakness that would almost destroy me later in adulthood.  

As a young adult living on my own without much accountability, some of the ways sexual immorality manifested itself in my life were watching pornography on the computer and going to strip clubs. But it was not limited to those activities.  Not surprisingly, these activities also coincided with withdrawing from the things of the Lord such as daily Bible reading, church attendance, and fellowship with other believers.  One thing that sticks out in my mind during this time period was my complete discontent.  I was never content with just one picture, one video, or one time to a strip club.  It always led to more and more and more.  I remember feeling filthy and utterly condemned while still going to seedy places where I was even concerned about my own safety.  

The sin of sexual immorality robbed me of all contentment, and of all joy.  Sexual immorality takes the beautiful sexual experience God meant within the confines of marriage between a man and a woman, and degrades it down to an animalistic fleshly encounter devoid of all meaning and sentiment.  It leaves its victim empty, yet always craving for more.  It warps one’s mind from viewing people as created in the image of God—or a woman as God’s precious daughter—to just an object to “fulfill” one’s lust. 

But there came a time, and I praise a merciful God for this, that light finally exposed my growing darkness—an empty and unfulfilling darkness. The Apostle Paul says, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:25)!  The answer is the person of Jesus—not your will power, or a program.  We all need to come to the place like Paul in Romans 7:18: “For I know that in me (that is in my flesh) nothing good dwells.” It is never about trying harder in the flesh, or finding more self-control within, because there isn’t enough in any of us to overcome.  Everything I need is found in Christ Jesus and the life He offers to me through His Spirit. As A. W. Tozer has said, “True and absolute freedom is only found in the presence of God.”

And so began my road to freedom. Much like the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32, I finally came to my senses.  I became sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I took ownership of my sin and stopped making excuses.  I came to the Lord as a sinner unworthy and undeserving of His grace and mercy.  And just like the father in the story who runs to meet his son embracing him, kissing him, cleansing him, clothing him--the Lord met me in the same way. When I humbled myself in His presence, I was greeted with nothing but love and forgiveness. 

Another step to finding freedom was confessing my sin to a trusted friend. Of course, confessing to the Lord is absolutely necessary (1 John 1:9), but accountability to other believers is important as well (James 5:16a).  I trusted my friend, my brother in Christ, who was spiritually more mature than I was. I knew he would not make light of my sin because I saw how he carefully and prayerfully paid attention to how he was entertained. Pleasing and obeying God was his foremost desire. 

We met at a Wendy’s, and although I don’t remember too many details, I know that immediately it was like a 1,000-pound weight lifted off my back. Just the act of dragging the sin out into the open and praying with the brother was effective. James 5:16b says, “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”   Later, at my request, this same brother met with me once a week to go through the book of Romans together, which led to greater understanding of what Christ has done for me and who I am in Christ.  

I have come to realize that abiding in the freedom that is mine through Jesus, is directly correlated to how much time I spend in the Word of God, practice daily obedience to it, and remain part of a local body of Christ, which allows me to hear the Word preached and to be accountable to my fellow believers.

Jesus says, “I am the vine you are the branches, He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). In my backyard I have a lime tree. If I break off a branch, within a few days it will be completely withered.  Yet when connected to the trunk, it grows limes without any effort. Jesus must remain the source of all I do—where I spend my time, where I live, my main connection.

I have learned that as I give Jesus my all, I have an ever-increasing appetite to be in the Word of God and in prayer.  I read the Bible daily.  I read it fast (chapters at a time) or slow (digging into one verse and all its meaning), but I just read.  I like to read aloud because “faith comes from hearing and hearing through the word of God” (Romans 10:17). I listen to it in my car.  I have noticed that if the enemy comes at my mind with unclean thoughts, as soon as I play the Word of God, those thoughts flee. 

I keep a journal, writing down when the Lord speaks to me and writing down verses that speak to me.  I go on walks and talk to God, laying out my struggles, praying to see myself through His eyes.  God often brings scriptures to my mind.  I try to memorize the Word of God, and meditate on it, day and night (Psalm 119:11).  I write verses down, keeping them at hand for quick reference. All these practices have turned into daily routine.  I listen to lots of teachings online. Two of my favorites are Pastor Joe Fotch (https://resources.ccphilly.org/teachinglibrary.asp) and Pastor Jon Courson (https://joncourson.com/). I recommend listening to their teachings on Romans 6-8 in regards to gaining spiritual freedom.

Attending a church that puts a premium on teaching the Bible has been a huge blessing.  I try to attend as much as possible.  I serve in multiple ministries.  I don’t serve out of an obligation, but out of gratitude for all that the Lord has done for me.  Fellowshipping with other believers helps strengthen my spirit and keeps me away from temptations; and when unavoidable temptations do come, having believers that can pray with me and for me makes all the difference.  

When I stumble, I go immediately to the Lord and ask His forgiveness.  Then by faith I believe that He forgives me because He says He will, and God cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18). Sometimes it is necessary to drag the sin out into the light and confess to a trusted brother or sister in Christ (James 5:15).  Every time I have ever humbly confessed my sin to a brother in Christ, though I am full of trepidation, fear, and shame—I have always been blown away by their response.  The love the person shows, the non-judgmental attitude.  They are blessed as well to be confided in, and amazed that I had the courage to confess.  Many times, a deeper level of freedom is attained through this simple act of humility.

Now, as a parent I am trying to apply what I’ve learned in the Word and what I’ve learned through my experiences in helping to guard my children from the evils of pornography.  I know better than to fall for the oldest line from the child playbook: “everyone else is doing it” or “everyone else is watching it.”  I try to be aware of what my children are viewing.  My wife and I do not allow unsupervised television time and computer time.  If and when our children ever get smart phones, they will be monitored, limited, and charged overnight in the living room.  As a parent I don’t think I can start with too many parameters; and as the child grows in maturity and responsibility, then they can be lifted.  

I also want to always keep the lines of communication open, so when my children do see something whether inadvertently or willingly, they will come to me and I can show them the love and grace free from condemnation that God has shown me.  Most important, I want to persevere in prayer for my children and never give up knowing that the Lord’s work in my life is a product of parents praying.   

Jesus has done so much in my life since taking those first steps of coming to Him.  He has given me the wife and beautiful family I always dreamed of.  After feeling like the Lord could never use me, I have seen how He has used me in multiple ministries.  He has cleansed me of my sin, and the guilt and shame that go with it.  He truly has transformed my mind. The daily pull for pornography is no longer there, and instead there is a desire for the things of the Lord.  I am still susceptible to temptation and always will be this side of Heaven, so I keep my guard up. But I know that my strength and security lies in Him (John 10:28).  

This did not happen in one night or one week or even one month.  However, the more time I spend in His presence with His Word, the cleaner and freer I become.  Now I can boldly proclaim: “Therefore if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed!” (John 8:36).